Of Gods and Men
by NeonZangetsu
Summary: Of gods and men, which would you choose? Would you rule over the masses like a tyrant? Live with the common folk? I choose to be neither of these things. For I am the God of Ramen, Lord of Noodles, and Emperor of all things Anime; all that are good and of broth! Narutoxharem. Naruto and Noragami crossover! Fun, silly, and serious. VOTE FOR THE PAIRING AND REGALIA, PLEASE!


**A/N: My condolences to all those in Paris and everyone who lost a loved one there. And to the no good cowardly BASTARDS that committed such vile attrocities, may you rot in hell for what you've done! And to those who would commit such heinous acts here on American soil and anywhere else, know that we will fight you, tooth and nail to protect those we love!**

 **Now then, ket us take a moment of silence, dear readers, in memory of those innocents we have lost:**

 **...**

 **...**

 **...**

 **Alright, now, in their memory, onward!** **Ohmygoshi! Remember me? Not dead! So, someone suggested something for the "Not Going Home" series. A strong Naruto, but not an invincible one, one who willingly sealed away most of his tricks and toys for the sake of a challenge. I thought about that for awhile, but then, in the end, I decided to go a different direction.**

 **In other words...**

 **...this is NOT part of the Not Going Home series. Its another one entirely. So yes, in this story, Naruto CAN be hurt, CAN be beaten, and CAN be killed. He will make mistakes, he will falter, and like anyone else, he'll learn from them; as will those around them. And he will become better for them.**

 **...still, its going to funny as hell! The title for this chapter is meant to be silly and make ya'll smile! =D Sorry if its short! The next chapter will be much, much, MUCH longer, I assure you!**

 _"I'm only me when I want to be; sometimes I break. Sometimes I fall apart. But can I fall apart if I never existed to begin with? Take what you will, I am what I am, and you are what you are...but will you still be you when its all over? Will you be proud and say it was you, when all is said and done?  
_

 _Think on that a bit, mate._

 _~?_

 **Lord of Noodles**

 _Can I ask you a question?_

 _Have you ever tried being a god?_

 _No, not a **god** kind of god, but a GOD, ya know?_

 _..._

 _..._

 _..._

 _Okaaaaaay, I probably lost ya, there._

 _Eh...maybe I should explain._

 _Y'see, there's the Far Shore, and the Near Shore. Then there are a Gods and Regalia-Shinki, some call 'em-then there are phantoms, THEN we have lost souls and finally, basic human beings, that is to say, mortals. The latter hail from the Near Shore. Phantoms, and my kind, the Far. Not moving too fast for you, am I? Well, in short, I'm one of those beings. A god. Nobody ever asked for my opinion on the matter; no one wanted to try and listen to what I had to say. It just happened._

 _One day, I didn't exist._

 _The next,_ _I just...well...was._

 _My eyes simply opened and there I were; standing in a scarlet field, smothered in red. My first sight was that of the blood on my hands, a dead woman in my arms. Silver hair and horns. That's it. No reason, no cause, no explanation beyond that. I didn't realize I was an actual DEITY until I met others like me, beings whom others payed homage to. Wished towards. Begged. Beings like Yato. Bisha. Tenjin. Kofuku._

 _One of those...well, ah, wasn't a pleasant encounter. Erm, where was I again?_

 _Right, right, that bit about being a god._

 _I don't remember much about myself, my given name, or anything of before. Naruto. What kind of name is that? Was it important to me, once? I don't remember. To be entirely honest, I kinda don't want to. If my first memory was a field of corpses, then what does that make me? Who was I, before? What was I? What kind of sick, twisted wish brought me into being? The more I thought about it, the less I liked myself; until I was all but certain I'd go mad._

 _Think about it; if you don't know who you are; what you are; then who can you become?_

 _The answer's painfully simple._

 ** _Nothing._**

 _In desperation, I turned my attention-and talents-elsewhere, until I eventually happened upon something I liked. Life. Stupid, right? But I can't help myself; even in the beginning I took an active interest in the affairs of those below my station. I can't help myself. There's just something about beautiful about the fleeting life of a mortal; something that makes me want to preserve that beauty as long as I can. If one should live a short life -or even a long one- why not be it a merry life, ya know?_

 _In the feudal era, it was crops. Then prosperity. Small things. Little things._

 _And eventually,_ _Ramen._

 _I grew and I learned how to be more like what I was. At some point, people started praying to me, begging me to grant their wishes. Che. I don't even have a shrine!_

 _Nowadays..._

 _...huh. Now that I think about, I don't remember much of those days. Wonder how it started? Meh. Guess you could call me the lord of noodles. Or the God of Ramen._

 _Yup._

 _I'm not really proud of those titles. Still, in the end, they stuck._ _But lets get back to the question at hand, shall we?_

 _IF you were a god..._

 _...what would you do?_

* * *

 _Appaaaaarently bleed out in a pile of garbage. Go figure!_

How did this happen again? Oh, right. Phantoms. Again. Tried to be a hero, _without_ a Regalia. _Again._ And where had that gotten him? Lying in a heap in some back alley, licking his wounds. _Again!_ Honestly, if there was _not_ a pattern here, he swore, he was losing his mind. A bead of rain quietly plinked down from the stormy sky above, eliciting a slight twitch.

"Weeeeeeell, this is definitely the have-all-be-all of bad days." Coughing quietly, the God of Ramen raised the sleeve of an orange jacket to his forehead. From there, he stubbornly scrubbed at the blood on his forehead in a vain attempt to rub it away. The wound, and thusly the blight there, refused to stop spreading in spite of his best efforts otherwise. His right arm protested horribly against such efforts, aching maddeningly even as he lowered himself back to the ground.

"Tch." he scoffed, glowering at the mark. "Not my day."

Naruto, God of Ramen in what he silently swore was going to be his last year as the self-proclaimed Lord of Noodles, had found himself in this position more often than he would have liked. Had he had his way he would have quietly enjoyed the last days before the end of summer. Unfortunately, he did not have his way, and that was very much the cause of his current misfortune.

Rough, blond hair, shading eerie eyes of shining, slitted scarlet. A grimy face, whiskers adjourned either side of his cheek, lending him an oddly fox-like appearance. Covered in dirt and blood, he looked more the part of some ragged vagabound than a deity. Indeed, save for these features, he looked much the same as any random lowlife in Tokyo. Indeed, he didn't look like a god in the least with his faded orange blazer and blue jeans. His shirt lay in tatters be, torn and bloodied, little more than desolate red rags clinging to his torso.

The situation was only made worse by the fact that it could have easily been avoided.

Why didn't he use a Shinki?

If he'd had one, he wouldn't be lying here.

So why?

Nearly every other god he knew had at least one. Even that jersey-wearing Yato. And yet, he didn't.

 _Why did he insist on fighting alone?_

Maybe because he'd always relied on his hands and feet. No, no, that wasn't the reason; it wasn't even a proper excuse. He knew the real reason, lay far deeper. Trust. Try as he might, he simply couldn't bring himself to trust. Blessed with the unique ability to dispel phantoms without the use of a shinki, he'd never had the use or even the need, for a tool. Bonds were a strange, foreign thing to him, and he didn't know what to make of them beyond watching those of mortals.

But just as he could hurt ayakashi with his own hands, so too, could he be hurt.

 **"Smells...nice...**

Blue eyes snapped upward with a start.

Widened.

 _Shit._

The monstrosity stared down at him with a low, rumbling growl. Its body, if one could even call a twisted amalgamation such, appeared to be a strange, warped cross between monkey and a spider; all bulging forearms and many, multiple spindly legs. Large enough to blot out the lights from the building overhead, he found himself cast in its shadow, momentarily shielded from the rain. While he was grateful for the reprieve, the blond would've appreciated another minute or so to recover from his injuries.

Unbidden, his eyes flicked to the gaping hole in the torso of his distorted adversary. Weeping black ichor, the wound reflected where his Rasengan had ripped clean through its flesh; a vicious through and through that ought to have dropped his foe flat. Yet somehow, the beast still had the strength to come after him, _to pursue him_ in spite of its wounds.

Needless to say, it did not look pleased.

 _Damn but phantoms were hard to kill without a Regalia._

The beast lay perched just above the alley in which he'd sought shelter, those beady, piggish eyes leering down at him intently. A beat of awkward silenced passed between the battered blond and the looming ayakashi; and for a moment, neither moved. Then, with a cry that could pierce the very heavens themselves, the orange-clad deity bolted upright with a strangled yelp of:

"NOPE!"

Scarce had he done so than the twisted creature slammed down after him, forcibly thrusting its bulk into the alley in which he'd sought shelter. Flinging himself out of the narrow crevice, the ailing god tucked and rolled, coming up on the back of his right heel in the rain. Shattered bricks and mortar sprayed around him in a dry cloud, dust and ash peppering his face with the water. Great droplets of the stuff sprayed outwards in nearely every direction as he skidded to safety -a relative one- in the street, rising swiftly.

 **"Smells...NICE!"**

The ayakashi wailed impotently as it struggled to extricate itself from the too-narrow crevice, to no avail. Long legs scrabbled for purchase and found none there, even as they splintered the bricks around it. Doubtlessly it could extricate itself given time...time Naruto wasn't inclined to give. Despite the pain from his wounds and the fact that was _still_ sopping wet, the whiskered warrior felt himself smile into the rain.

Perfect.

"Lets see you survive this one!" Growling he raised a hand, bodily thrusting his arm towards the trapped being.

The fingers of his right hand clenched into a claw. A small, spiraling sphere ignited itself within his grasp, keening audibly. Assuming a pitchers stance he drew one leg back, ready to throw. He'd always known how to do this from the moment of his "birth". It was the method by which he was able to exterminate phantoms without the use of a regalia. Just a few more moments and...!

"RA-

Alas, his blighted arm chose that moment screamed in agony, cutting the invocation short. Concentration shattered, and with it, his technique, guttering out like a candle in the rain. And then there was the pain! It shot through him in a bolt of agony, nearly bending the life-loving god double before he righted himself. With a supreme effort he straightened, clutching at his still-throbbing arm. _Alright,_ he hissed. _Fine. Can't kill the damn thing right now. I'll just beat it before it gets loose-_

A great, rumbling CRACK informed him that the phantom had in fact, freed itself.

 **"Ra...!"** it rumbled, mimicking him in its eerie distorted voice, warping words.

Naruto quietly swore. " _Ohhhh_ , you cheeky futher-mucking piece of-

Left with little choice, he took the only option available to him.

"Shit."

Within moments he was off!

He rounded a nearby corner, a shower of sparks nipping at his heels, the phantom not far behind!

 _I, Naruto, am leading a way of life...that is undoubtedly cursed. Yes, July Twenty-Third. That's how all this started. I went into a takeout stand, in a rather good mood...and ordered a bowl of spicy chicken teryaki and ramen from hell. That's when it happened. I saw a girl being harassed by some delinquents, thought I'd do something about it, and that was when my luck ran out. Turns out phantoms were involved. More than usual. I managed to kill most of them, but the last one got a lucky hit in. Now..._

 **"Gonna catch you...gonna catch you!"**

 _Which is how I find myself here, wounded, being hounded after by said phantom._

"Ahh, god, what is it with my misfortune!" Naruto cried, running for his life, desperate to outpace his pursuer. "Wait, I am a god! WHO THE HELL AM I PRAYING TO?!"

In his haste to escape, however, he failed to notice the presence of his surroundings...

...nor that of a young girl, standing morosely at the next corner. Framed by lamplight, she said nothing, even at his approach.

Flowers at her feet.

Said girl didn't seem to notice him or his pursuer, at first. Indeed, she didn't even bother to look up until he was nearly upon her; her desolate gaze rising to meet his, her bright, green eyes flying wide with surprise as she saw Naruto hurtling towards her. "Wha-?!" _That_ should have given her up dead away-that she could see him meant one of two things-but he was too distracted to notice. Running as he was, he barely had the time to blink, let alone defend himself.

"GAH!"

They went down in tangle of arms and legs, and came up again, not stopping for a moment. Distantly, he thought heard a shout, but he ignored it. No time to stop and think. Only react. Run. Run. RUN! Runrunrunrun! Hurling himself around the next corner, and the next, and the next, he forced himself forward for what felt like an eternity-until he collapsed. His feet gave out abruptly, sending him sprawling on the asphalt. His body simply refused to take another step.

And then, just when he thought he couldn't give anymore...

 _"What the hell?!"_

Belatedly, his mind registered that he must've snatched her up by the arm, that he'd dragged her behind him; because there, on her knees behind him and gasping for breath, was the very girl he'd slammed into. Now that he got a good look at her he realized she wasn't all that old, about seventeen or eighteen years of age. Wrapped in a thick red coat and sopping wet, she stared back at him. Green eyes burned into his, framed by short, pink hair. A dark, purple jewel tattoo stood out on her forehead, creasing now as she glared at him.

"Why'd ya go and grab me like that?!" she exclaimed angrily! "I was waiting for my boyfriend!"

"Oh...sorry." was all he could manage, dragging himself upright. "Got a name?"

"Sakura."

"Naruto."

Then a thought occurred to him.

He'd seen flowers...

"How long have you been waiting." it was not a question.

Slightly crestfallen, the pinkette looked away. A fist curled against her chest.

"A-About a day now...but I'm sure he'll be here!" she ammended quickly, forcing a smile. "Sasuke-kun's never kept me waiting before...

Almost against his will, the deity looked down, away from her eyes. There. _There it was._ He could see her legs; see right through them, to the street behind her. Remembered the flowers he'd seen at the lamp post. And with that knowledge, is heart gave an awful, terrible lurch. Not just from exhaustion but the sickening realization that this girl was waiting for someone who would never come. Ever. And she would still wait. Without the slightest inkling why, the words spilled out of him:

"Oi, I don't think he's coming."

Her eyes went blank.

"Ha...?"

"Your guy." Unable to meet her gaze, the blond looked away into the rain, pressing his face into the concrete. "He isn't comi-!" She instantly backhanded him, cutting the words short. The blond grunted, riding the blow to the the nearest wall. He could've dodged a thousand different ways, but instead, he let her strike him. Just once.. A series of soft sobs reached his ears moments later. Denial. Disbelief. She didn't want to believe his words, to acknowledge what he'd said.

"That's so...how can you say that...?!"

Something about this weakness, this refusal to admit the obvious perturbed him more than anything else. How could she be so blind? It was obvious, wasn't it?!

"Because you're dead!" Naruto snarled and spun to face her, growling. "As in deceased. Departed! GONE!"

Sakura shrank back.

"Dead? No...that's...I can't be...

"Oi, you can see me, right?!"

"Well...ah...yes...

"And you're not a regalia?!"

"I...

 **"SMELLS NICE!"**

A horrible crash interrupted her before she could finish, splitting the storm asunder. With a sonorous roar, the ape ayakashi reappeared, thundering through a building! _That damn thing again!_ Naruto spun, some instinct compelling him to placi his blighted body between the forlorn spirit and the abrupt return of his adversary. His body screamed in protest, nearly bending in half from the pain. It felt like his very flesh was aflame, merely standing nearly sapped all his strength.

Sakura gazed up at the beast, dazed and forlorn.

"What's that...?"

Naruto choked.

 _Not again!_

He felt a hot wave of bile rush up his throat. No. A thousand times no. He didn't want to do this. Did. Not. Want. To. Do. This! It was anathema to everything he stood for, every instinct in his body was screaming at him now, telling him that this was a mistake; a terrible, horrible mistake and he'd only get _hurt...!_ He didn't want to deal with that pain, the possibility of rejection, of abandonment. But with his injuries, he had no choice. In the end, he'd already decided, long before the phantom was upon them. Before Sakura could open her mouth to protest, he flicked two fingers together.

Then, slowly, almost painfully, he pointed them at her.

"I can help you, ya know."

"How?" she sobbed.

"Just trust me."

A moment of silence passed between them. Followed by raw, long-suffering sigh slipping out of his throat. He flicked his hand down, opening her jacket. She yelped aloud and tried to cover up, but he held it open with his good hand. Sakura looked at him for a long moment, and in that moment, he willed her to understand. Almost miracuously...

...she did.

"Alright," he drawled, "Now, how did this shit go? Saw Yato do it once, can't be that hard...aha!"

With a fierce flourish, he thrust out his arm.

"You, with nowhere to go and nowhere to return," he intoned solemnly, tracing the kanji before him, willing the crimson lines into being, "I will grant you a place to belong." Sakura watched, mesmerized as the scarlet carved itself to his words, cleaving itself into existence with each passing second. "My name is Naruto." the blond declared, weaving the kanji into being, "Bearing a posthumous name, you shall remain here. With this name, I make thee my servant...

Sakura glanced down, watching the symbol before her bend and flow, taking residence just above her breasts. "With this name and its alternate, I use my life to make thee a Regalia. Thou art Sakura! As a regalia, Tora! Come! TORA!"

The spirit vanished in an arc of dark pink and flew to his waiting hand, consuming it.

Her memories hit him a moment later.

Images.

Flashes.

Snatches of memory, a past bitter and broken; painful enough to bring tears to his mind. _Scared. Frightened. Beaten. Murdered by the one she loved, wearing nothing but a jacket in winter. Last breaths pooling like ice on the sidewalk, dying, dying...gone._

And then it was gone, and he was left standing in the street, eyes stinging. He knew this pain. Loneliness. Just like his own. New strength filled him, burgeoned by resolve...

...and sorrow.

Unbidden, a lone tear trickled out his eyes, blending with that of the storm.

"Oi...that's...just...

He glanced down.

There, instead of a blade, or a sword, or even a knife, he found himself with something else entirely. Encircling his arm, ending to just below the elbow, a gauntlet of deep black and pink stared back at him. Smooth and streamlined, its fingers formed a razor tip when clenched together. Fierce. Strong. Determined. Like a tiger. He'd given her a good name, after all.

A simple gauntlet, yes, but he could feel the strength in it.

 **"SME...LLS...NI...CE!"**

Raising his armored arm, he thrust out an empty palm, meeting the beast's charge.

THUD.

The ape ayakashi slammed into him with all the force of a freight train, shattering the street at his feet. Baffled, the phantom made a noise of confusion, its many legs skittering for traction and finding none. The fingers of that firm gauntlet clenched down around its fists, squeezing firmly. Breaking. Bleeding.

"Eh?"

"Rule number one of anime, bub." Naruto raised his gaze slowly, red eyes glinting beneath his messy, rain-soaked mop of hair. "If you can't see their eyes under their hair or they're shadowed over- your screwed. If the eyes change or start glowin'...

The ayakashi made a noise and swallowed thickly.

 **...you, my friend, are royally fucked."**

His fingers snapped back, forming a taut point.

"You who would desecrate the land of the rising sun! With my advent, I, the ramen god, lay waste with the Tora...and expel they vast defilement!"

In a single, decisive blow he lopped the phantom in half.

"REND!"

 **A/N: IT LIIIIIIVES! My creativity lives on! VOTE FOR REGALIA AND PAIRINGS, PLEASE!**

 **I know its been awhile since I tried something new, but I haven't seen any good NarutoxNoragami fics out there as of late. Thus, in the end, I decided to give it the good ol' college try and blaze a trail like I always to. Hope ya'll like it! Be sure to vote for pairings because they are UP IN THE AIR!** **Vote for Regalia and pairings! So...**

 **In the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

 **...REVIEW, would you kindly? And of course, enjoy the preview!**

 ** _(Preview!)_**

 _...I wanna quit."_

 _"But its only been two days!"  
_

 _"Two days of hell, shannaro!"_

 _Naruto moaned piteously from where he lay on the floor, wriggling like a fish out of water. A smoldering dent in his head, the god of ramen had been laid low with a single blow; though Sakura secretly suspected he was as much indulging her as he was himself. No way could a hit like that end him. She'd seen him flung through a building with little more than scratches to show for it. Surely a bump on the head wasn't bad bad...?_

 _"Sakura-chan, that hurts! It huuuuuuuurts~! You're breaking my heart!"_

 _"What heart, ya perv?!"_

 _"Oi, oi, oi...and here I even went and got you something!"_

 _Sakura paused in mid-rant, frowning._

 _"This is...?"_

 _Green eyes widened, ever so slightly as he opened his hand and dumped the object into her waiting palm._ _A small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth._

 _"Baka."_

 ** _R &R! =D_**


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